Generally, I am a happy person. You may not believe that from the posts I have been making the last few days, but that’s just because I love to complain. However, there are times that I don’t feel so happy…
How to explain it… it feels empty or isolated, like I’m watching my body from outside of myself.
I was once at a party and I was having a blast. I had a drink in my hand, a slight buzz, and I was surrounded by tons of friends. We were standing in the kitchen, just talking for hours until one of my friends made a joke. Everyone laughed but I suddenly found myself forcing a laugh. My mood had plunged into resentment and idleness. I was disconnected from everyone around me and I felt left out, even though I was clearly in the middle of a room of my friends. It’s a strange feeling that comes out time to time.
What is this connection that holds me in place? Why do I feel suddenly soulless?
It’s weird because one minute I may be perfectly fine but the next, something snaps. Usually the cure is to be alone, but sometimes that makes it worse.
My first instinct is to wonder, is this a sign of depression? I don’t think I’m depressed and I’m fine most of the time, so it couldn’t be, right? Or maybe I feel this way because I don’t exercise enough or eat the right foods… I just don’t know. It doesn’t come too often, just randomly and without warning like an unpredictable hailstorm.
I also have an extreme feeling of just not caring… but I’ll save that for later or more upbeat post.
Miss Light Bright 